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 Meat and circuses

 by Lord Thanatos


16/01/09 11/02/09







1. Socially late

2. Message from the admiral

3. Social round continued

4. Meat talk

5. Sickbay

6. 30 seconds

7. Selurtis’ arrival

8. Uniform order

9. Circus

10. Party time





SCENE 1: Socially late


LT: “Captain’s log, stardate 62955.81. We’ve been underway for nearly 2 weeks and are still cruising at warp 9 towards the colonies. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened since the power failure shortly after launch. The crew is slowly settling in and is performing more efficiently every day. End log.”


It’s just after 8 AM as the turbo lift doors open and Eisinga hastily walks in.


Eisinga: “Sorry I’m late, sir.”


He sits down in his chair next to the captain with a grumpy look on his face. He doesn’t like to be late…


LT: “Yes, remind to give you some corporal punishment for those 3 minutes of being late… How does a phaser on a mild stun setting sound?”


Eisinga swaps his grumpy look for a smile.


Eisinga: “Well, you know I don’t like to be late or screw up in any way, sir.”


LT: “Haha, of course, I know… But I really don’t care about someone being late… I used to be late in the early shifts in my pre-Starfleet job at least once a week…”


Eisinga: “Oh really?”


Eisinga now even looks amused…


LT: “Well, yes… Getting up at 3:30 AM is no fun… As long as someone doesn’t make too much of a habit out of being late, it’s no problem. If someone neglects his or her duties, does not respect the chain of command or doesn’t wear a uniform on duty, then I start to get nasty, haha…”


Eisinga: “Well, that’s a different story of course, sir, haha”


LT: “You’re doing it again, Eldert.”


Eisinga: “What, sir?”


LT: “That… The sir thing…”


Eisinga: “Sorry, sir, it’s a bad habit…”


LT: “Hey, you just said ‘sir’ again… I told you not to. It’s too early for insubordination… Go do your social round or something… Shoo!”


Both men laugh and Eisinga answers in a loud voice, as he stands up from his chair:


Eisinga: “Yes, sir!”


Both keep a broad smile on their faces well after Eisinga enters the turbo lift again on his way to do his almost daily ‘social round’. He visits all department heads to chat a little, get a status report and such... First stop: sickbay.


Eisinga: “Hello?”


He looks around sickbay, but sees no one until he hears laughter from the next room… He pops his head around the corner of the door and finds who he was looking for.


Eisinga: “Ah, there you are… I thought the entire medical staff had left the ship…”


Shelley: “No, sir, we’re still here despite the lack of work…”


Shelley sits at a table with 2 other female medical staff members drinking tea.


Eisinga: “No work? There must be some dull research or studies you can do?”


Shelley: “Of course, of course… But after hours and hours of staring at screens and pads you tend to want to do something else…”


Eisinga’s facial expression is more serious than he actually is…


Eisinga: “Oh, yes, I understand… So, you’re having a social gathering and a joke or two in the bosses’ time?”


Shelley: “I’m sorry, sir… Come on ladies, back to work…”


Shelley and her colleagues stand up and intend to get back to work as ordered… Shelley picks up her PADD from the desk when the 3 ladies suddenly hear Eisinga burst into laughter…


Eisinga: “Hahahaha! No, no, ladies... Sit back down, that’s an order… I was just pulling your leg a bit…”


Shelley gives the commander a look which is a cross between amused and unmeant anger… To complete it she let her PADD drop on the table…


Eisinga: “Taking a break now and then is a good thing… Why do you think I’m here? Hahaha…”


With the ladies back in their seats, Shelley counters:


Shelley: “Well, I was hoping you’d be here with a medical problem so we’d have something interesting to do for a change…”


Eisinga: “Why thank you, it’s nice to know you want me hurt…”


Everybody laughs…


Shelley: “Since you’re not hurt, what else can I do for you, commander?”


Eisinga: “Well, sorry to disappoint you, I’m not here to be dissected, but I’m just here on my social round… Just to see if all is still ok…”


Shelley: “Well, all is ok I believe… Not much to report… Since we left Earth we’ve had 2 cases of headache, one cut to a finger, almost too small to see, and a few cases of someone having trouble sleeping… So it has been rather exciting so far.”


Eisinga: “Hmmm, I’ll ask the captain to organize a party… Alcohol and hand phasers for everyone! Yaaay!”


Shelley: “Hey, that would just make things more interesting around here, hahaha…”


Eisinga: “Well, keep up the good work; I’m off to bother engineering now…”


Nurse Nicole Halstead responds to Eisinga as he walks towards the door…


Halstead: “Go easy on them if they’re on a tea break, sir.”


Eisinga: “I’ll try…”


Eisinga walks out of sickbay, directs the nearest turbo lift to deck 15 and walks into the main engineering section. He immediately spots the chief engineer near the warp core, discussing with Margon…


Eisinga: “Good morning, gentlemen…”


Serrag: “Good morning, Commander.”


Eisinga: “Anything interesting to report?”


Serrag: “Well, the number 4 fusion power generator needs some work, but nothing serious. And Margon is being exceptionally Klingon today.”


Margon: “If I may add, sir, Serrag is particularly un-Vulcan today…”


Eisinga: “Well, everything is in order then, haha…”


Serrag: “Yes, it seems so. No problems to report, sir.”


Eisinga: “Is everybody keeping busy? I found a bunch of medical staff having an extra tea break out of sheer boredom…”


Serrag: “I think there’s enough to do around here, sir.”


Margon mumbles to himself, though it is heard by the other two men…


Margon: “Hmm, I could use a break too… It’s about time I tried some of that katrah meat…”


Serrag: “After the fusion power generator is working up to specs again…”


Margon replies in a whining voice:


Margon: “Yes, daddy…”


Eisinga laughs loudly and gives Margon a tip…


Eisinga: “After daddy lets you go after your shift, you should have a talk with the captain, he’s also a big meat eater…”


Margon: “Really? I thought most humans were those weird… what do you call them? Vegetarians? HAHAHAHA!”


Eisinga: “Hey, I’m a vegetarian too, you know?”


Margon: “That’s your problem, sir.”


Margon shows a near-evil grin on his face… Eisinga, hard to insult, replies:


Eisinga: “Well, I’m probably not the only one on this ship who’s a vegetarian… I bet this Vulcan here is a vegetarian too…”


Serrag: “Shall we bet on our quarters, sir? I could do with some more space…”


Eisinga: “Oh, eh, never mind then, haha… But, I thought all Vulcans were vegetarians?”


Serrag: “Thinking isn’t always the right thing to do…”


Margon: “Much like not eating meat…”


All three laugh and Eisinga admits verbal defeat:


Eisinga: “Haha, ok you guys, you win…”


Margon: “Meat eaters versus vegetarians 1 – 0… And I’ll be sure to have a talk with the captain today, sir. Thanks for the tip… Maybe he would be interested in joining the feast we’ve planned for tomorrow night.”


Eisinga: “Perhaps he is… He actually spent the first night onboard in the holodeck, rather than in his quarters… He spoke of some kind of wooded scene or something… He nearly ate an entire wild boar… At least, he that’s what he told me, hahaha…”


Margon: “A wild boar?”


Serrag: “An Earth creature. Comparable to a Targ…”


Margon: “Ah, a good eater! I like that… There might be hope for humanity yet… HAHAHAHA!”


Eisinga: “I hope so, with all those insane vegetarians around and all…”


Eisinga leaves the two men with an amused grin on their faces and continues on his social round.



SCENE 2: Message from the admiral


Maresca: “Captain, Admiral Mullins wants to speak with you, sir.”


LT: “On screen.”


Mullins: “Hello, captain. How are things going?”


LT: “Admiral, good to see you. Everything is going just fine.”


Mullins: “Good. Is Linton’s crew still on track?”


LT: “Yes, sir, I believe they’re even ahead of schedule…”


Mullins: “Good to hear… Now, captain, I’ve got a little detour planned for the Greate Pier.”


LT: “Oh? Not too far off course I hope?”


Mullins: “It won’t delay you more than a couple of hours… You are to travel to Opeth II and pick up someone.”


LT: “Opeth II? I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never been there… It’s pretty crowded isn’t it?”


Mullins: “Yes, one of the most successful human colonies… There are 120.000 or so people on Opeth II, most of which are human… You’ll have to pick him up by shuttle, Opeth II has very heavy atmospheric disturbances which doesn’t allow for safe transporter use…”


LT: “Understood. But who am I to pick up, admiral?”


Mullins: “Let me first update you on our latest decision, captain. In a nutshell, we decided not only to send weapons and other defensive hardware, but we’re now also going to increase the number of security personnel on the colonies. Whether there’s an actual threat or not, it’s a good idea anyway. If any threat does emerge there’s little we can do from Earth to help them quickly. One person will be in charge over the colonies’ security personnel and that’s who you will be picking up, Lieutenant Commander Gerard Selurtis.”


LT: “I see, very well…”


Mullins: “We will send additional security personnel to the colonies with the planned cargo ships. The first 4 ships will leave tomorrow.”


LT: “That’s good news, sir. Helm, take us to Opeth II.”


Pattison: “Aye, sir.”


LT: “Estimated time of arrival?”


Pattison: “1420 hours at warp 9.”


LT: “We’re on our way, admiral. Anything else you’d like? Coffee maybe?”


Mullins: “Haha, no, thank you, captain. That’s all for now. Mullins out.”



SCENE 3: Social round continued


Reinard: “Good morning, sir.”


Jens Reinard just left the security office and saw Eisinga approach.


Eisinga: “Good morning, just the man I was looking for… How are things in the security department?”


Reinard: “All is well, sir. Actually, I was just on my way to join Lieutenant Commander Linton in the brig to check the progress on the construction of the cells. Would you like to join me?”


Eisinga: “Of course, let’s take a peek in the brig.”


A few moments later Reinard and Eisinga walk into the brig area and see at least two dozen men working hard to complete the cells. Linton immediately notices the two and walks up to them.


Linton: “Good morning, gentlemen.”


Both men greet the lieutenant commander.  Then all 3 have to move out of the way as 4 men pass them carrying a large wall section.


Eisinga: “What’s your status, lieutenant commander?”


Linton: “Well, as you can see, we’re working at a frantic pace to complete the cells.”


Eisinga: “So I see… Let’s hope it’s all for nothing…”


Reinard: “That would make my job a lot less interesting…”


Eisinga: “Well, Linton, don’t rush things too much, you’re ahead of schedule already, I understand.”


Linton: “Yes, that’s true. But no sense in lingering either…”


Another 4 men bring the next wall section in and walk past Linton and his company. Then suddenly, with a loud crash, the wall section hits the floor. The men who were carrying it are also floored. One of the men, Ensign Linford, gives a short scream and holds his right forearm…


Linford: “Dammit! I think it’s broken…”


Work is stopped and everyone gathers around, a few helping the men up from the floor. Eisinga immediately opens a com channel:


Eisinga: “Eisinga to sickbay.”


Shelley: “Sickbay, Shelley here.”


Eisinga: “Put down your tea and cookies, there’s someone on the way with what looks like a fractured forearm and a few cuts.”


Linford: “Feels like it too, sir.”


Shelley: “Understood, we’ll take care of it. Shelley out.”


Linford, accompanied by a colleague, leaves the brig area and makes his way to sickbay.



SCENE 4: Meat talk


Margon made his way to the bridge and approaches the captain’s chair.


Margon: “Captain, can I have a word with you?”


LT: “Of course, lieutenant. Sounds serious…”


Margon: “Oh no, not at all, captain…”


LT: “Sit down, Margon…”


LT’s hand gesture invites the Klingon to sit in the counselor’s chair.


LT: “What can I do for you?”


Margon: “Commander Eisinga informed me you are quite a decent eater… for a human… Uhm, no insult intended…”


LT: “No worries, Margon, you can’t insult me if you try. And indeed, I like to eat.”


Margon: “He also mentioned you’re a meat eater in particular…”


LT: “Oh yeah… I love meat, and lots of it…”


Margon: “Good!”


LT: “I know…”


Margon: “You’re invited to join a feast we’re planning for tomorrow night, if you’re interested and not otherwise occupied…”


LT: “If there’s meat…”


Margon: “Lots of it! HAHAHAHA!”


LT: “But, who’s this ‘we’?”


Margon: “Kerr, K’Ehlen and myself.”


LT: “Ah, a gathering of Klingons… Are you sure a human would be a suitable addition to the guest list?”


Margon: “Of course! Klingons can have great respect for other species who prove to be good eaters and good company…”


Margon leans slightly forward to the captain and takes on a serious, almost aggressive look:


Margon: “Or does the prospect of having to prove yourself deter you?”


LT then mirrors the Klingons behavior, leans forward, looks possibly meaner than the Klingon and replies in a firm tone:


LT: “I’ll be there and I’ll teach you all how to eat!”


Margon’s loud reply wakes up everyone on the bridge…


Margon: “HAHAHAHA! In that case you’d be a worthy addition to the guest list since humans seem to have so many ’insane vegetarians’…”


LT: “Haha, insane vegetarians?”


Margon: “Just quoting Commander Eisinga.”


LT: “Eisinga? I doubt that, he’s…”


LT then fell silent and Margon answered quick with a mean grin on his face:


Margon: “Insane?... Hehehe… Anyway, they’re still his own words, captain…”


Pattison: “Sir, we’ve just entered a synchronous orbit over Opeth II’s capital.”


LT: “Thank you, ensign. Maresca, please inform Opeth II we’ve arrived and are ready to send a shuttle to pick up Lieutenant Commander Selurtis. Don’t forget to actually send a shuttle once you get permission from the surface.”


Maresca: “Aye, sir.”


Margon: “Sir, can we have permission to take another shuttle and pick up some fresh supplies for the feast?”


LT: “By all means… But make it quick, I want to leave within the hour.”


Margon: “Thank you, sir, we’ll be quick.”


Margon walks towards the turbo lift…


LT: “Maresca, please request permission for an additional shuttle to be sent to the surface for supplies.”


Maresca: “Right away, sir.”


Before Margon enters the turbo lift he turns around.


Margon: “Captain. Tomorrow, 2000 hours in Kerr’s quarters…”


LT puts on his meaner-than-a-Klingon-look again, turns towards Margon and says in that same firm tone:


LT: “Better starve yourself until then, Klingon. Otherwise your reputation might be damaged if you can’t eat as much as a mere human…”


Margon only returns an amused look and walks into the lift.



SCENE 5: Sickbay


Linford is seated on a biobed and Shelley examines him with the use of a medical tricorder.


Shelley: “Well, it’s not that bad. Your forearm just has a single fracture and your upper arm a bunch of cuts… Nurse, osteogenic stimulator, please.”


Nurse: “Yes, doctor.”


Linford: “I was carrying my end of the wall section on my shoulder when one of us tripped… I guess… Then, in a fraction of a second, the whole thing then slid down my upper arm and my forearm was crushed between it and the floor...”


Nurse: “Here you go, doctor.”


Shelley: “Thank you. Can you fetch the dermal regenerator for me too?”


Nurse: “Way ahead of you.”


The nurse points to the tray near Shelley where she already placed the dermal regenerator.


Shelley: “Oh, thank you… Could you now go check on the cultures I prepared this morning?”


Nurse: “Of course, doctor.”


The nurse walks to the next room to tend to the cultures.


Linford: “She seems awfully eager to please, haha…”


Shelley: “Hold perfectly still, I’ll repair the bone now… Maybe she’s just happy to finally do something else around here than do boring research and browsing the medical database all day… It’s been kind of quiet here in sickbay since we’ve left Earth. You’re the first real patient we have.”


Linford: “That’s… a dubious honor, hahaha…”


Shelley: “Don’t laugh, hold still or you might just get an extra elbow…”


The doctor now completes the regeneration of the bone and checks the result with her medical tricorder…


Shelley: “There you go, all fixed…”


Linford: “Good! Thank you, doctor.”


Linford gets down from the biobed with the intention to leave sickbay…


Shelley: “Hold on, Linford… I won’t have you bleeding all over my squeaky clean floor! I still have to repair those cuts…”


Linford: “They’re not so bad, doctor, they’ll heal on their own…”


Shelley: “They’re deep enough to leave ugly scars.”


In the meantime, Eisinga walks into sickbay.


Linford: “Some people take pride in their scars, you know.”


Shelley: “And I take pride in my squeaky clean floor, now sit!”


Linford rolls his eyes and sighs deeply, but complies and sits back down on the biobed.


Eisinga: “Does your patient need restraining, doctor?”


Shelley: “No, just a warning not to bleed all over my floor…”


Eisinga: “And what’s the status on your first patient?”


Shelley: “Just like you said, commander, a fracture and some cuts, nothing more… The arm is as good as new as soon as I patch up these cuts…”


Shelley uses the dermal regenerator to repair the damaged skin in mere seconds.


Shelley: “There, all done now. Try moving your arm around a little, make a fist and spread your fingers again a few times…”


Linford reluctantly does what the doctor asked…


Shelley: “Any pain?”


Linford: “No doctor, everything is fine… Can I get back to work now?”


Shelley: “Look at who is eager to please now, hahaha…”


Linford: “I just don’t like to sit still while there is so much to do…”


Shelley: “Well, you can get back to work, but no heavy lifting or anything else that puts too much strain on your arm… Broken bones and cuts may be easy to fix, but your arm did take quite a beating and it might be sore for a few days. Just a bit too dangerous to lift anything for a few days…”


Linford: “Are you serious, doctor? My arm feels fine!”


Shelley: “Doctor’s orders…”


Linford: “Alright, alright…”


He sighs again and gets up once more from the bio bed…


Linford: “Thank you, doctor.”


Shelley: “My pleasure. And be sure to come see me as soon as you feel any pain…”


Linford: “I will…”


He disappears into the corridor…


Shelley: “I know we practically have no patients, commander, but you didn’t have to break the guy’s arm…”


Eisinga smiles and replies:


Eisinga: “I thought you’d be pleased…”


Shelley jokes right back:


Shelley: “Now get out of my sickbay, I’m very busy…”


Eisinga: “Yes, doctor. Enjoy your tea.”


Eisinga leaves, as ordered.



SCENE 6: 30 seconds


Maresca: “Sir, the shuttle carrying Selurtis is about to dock in the shuttle bay, aft access.”


LT: “Alright, thank you… Holcraft, the bridge is yours.”


Giles Holcraft, a lieutenant sitting at the ops station, is kind of startled that LT gave him the bridge all of a sudden. It’s the first time to be in command of a ship in his career. Despite him being startled, he immediately answers.


Holcraft: “Yes, sir.”


He makes his way to the now vacant chair in record time and as soon as he is seated he gives his first command, with the necessary pride.


Holcraft: “Stilson, take ops, please.”


Stilson: “Yes, sir.”


While Crewman Troy Stilson moves from science II to the ops console, the captain bumps into Eisinga who just emerges from the turbo lift.


LT: “Hey Eldert… How’s our patient doing?”


Eisinga: “Ensign Linford broke his arm and had a few cuts, but Doctor Shelley patched him up again…”


LT: “Good, good. Well, I’m going to welcome Selurtis aboard. Take the bridge, number one.”


Eisinga: “Aye, sir.”


LT disappears into the lift and Eisinga walks down to the captain’s chair.


Eisinga: “You’re relieved, Holcraft.”


Holcraft: “Well, so far for my 30 seconds of fame…”


Eisinga immediately understood he had just been given the bridge…


Eisinga: “Hmm, sorry, Holcraft… But there will be plenty more command time in it for you during this assignment, I’m sure.”


Holcraft: “I sure hope so, haha…”


He can laugh about it, but of course he wants to stay in that comfy chair a little longer… He in turn relieves Stilson from his ops station and resumes his work.



SCENE 7: Selurtis’ arrival


LT approaches the shuttle which just touched down in the shuttle bay and shakes Selurtis’ hand as he disembarks.


LT: “Welcome to the Greate Pier, lieutenant commander. I’m Captain LT.”


Selurtis: “Thank you, captain. Good to meet you. Gerard Selurtis.”


LT: “Likewise.”


Selurtis: “And thank you for deviating from your flight path to pick me up. I know the Greate Pier plays an important role in securing the border colonies and needs to get there as fast as possible.”


LT: “No problem, commander. I understood from Admiral Mullins that you have quite some preparing to do at the colonies before the personnel and equipment arrive. It’s equally imperative you get to the colonies as soon as possible too.”


Selurtis: “Well, yes…But let’s just hope all these security measures are not needed.”


LT: “Indeed. Walk with me, I’ll show you to your quarters. Is that all the luggage you carry?”


Selurtis: “Yes, I travel light.”


LT and Selurtis with his single, small suitcase walk into the corridor.


LT: “I understand you have been working as chief of security in Opeth II’s capital for quite some years…”


Selurtis: “Indeed, nigh on 20 years…”


LT: “Why go to those distant colonies all of a sudden? Or did Starfleet offer you little choice?”


Selurtis: “I volunteered for the job… It’s not that I had a bad position on Opeth II, but I just needed a new challenge. Not a lot really happens on that planet… That, and my wife and son died in a shuttle accident 7 months ago, along with the 4 other occupants…”


LT: “Oh, I’m very sorry for your loss…”


Selurtis: “Thank you. So, you probably can understand I’m eager to leave this place, at least for a while…”


LT: “Yes, I do understand…”


They enter the turbo lift and LT sends it to deck 2.


LT: “This task is pretty challenging, isn’t it? Even for a man with your level of experience. Setting up security on 21 colonies…”


Selurtis: “A challenge indeed. It will keep me occupied for a while. Just what I need…”


LT: “Do you need anything specific to prepare for your tasks here onboard?”


Selurtis: “I don’t think I need more than a few pads and a computer console to prepare my work on. And a replicator for coffee.”


The turbo lift doors open and the duo walks into the corridor.


LT: “Alright. If you need anything else, just contact me or Commander Eisinga via the com system.”


Selurtis: “I will…”


LT: “And ehm, I noticed you’re pretty open and direct concerning the accident…”


Before LT can continue his sentence, he’s interrupted by Selurtis.


Selurtis: “Well, you’re the captain of the ship I’ll be spending the next 2 and a half months on, I want to be honest and open with you…”


LT: “That’s appreciated. But if you do need someone to talk to, we have an excellent counselor onboard, Dr. Spalding.”


Selurtis: “Kind of you to mention, but I’m sure I’ll be alright. I’ve got so much work to do, I can’t afford to be distracted by the past for now…”


LT: “Alright…Anyway, this is the door to your quarters, commander. I hope it will be satisfactory.”


Selurtis: “I’m sure it will, captain. Thank you very much.”


LT: “Have a good day, commander.”


Selurtis: “Good day, captain.”


Selurtis enters his quarters and the captain disappears into the corridors again…



SCENE 8: Uniform order


It’s around 0100 hours when the captain gets up from bed as he can’t sleep… He doesn’t like to visit doctors to begin with, but whining about something as simple as having trouble sleeping isn’t his cup of tea… LT decides to go for a little walk and slips into his casual attire. First destination is the bridge to check out if everything is alright… Upon entering the bridge he runs into Lieutenant Commander Vance Faulkner. LT smiles friendly and greets the lieutenant:


LT: “Hello Faulkner… Couldn’t sleep either?”


The equally friendly smiling commander replies:


Faulkner: “Well, I better not fall asleep on duty, sir”


LT: “On duty?... You’re on duty?”


Faulkner: “Yes, sir.”


LT’s face and speaking volume turns to Klingon-mode…


LT: “What the…… You’re on duty and not wearing a uniform?!”


Faulkner: “Well, yes, eh, sir…”


LT: “Any reason? Better be a real good one too…”


Faulkner: “Well, it’s just the night shift and all…”


LT: “Wrong answer! Honestly, do I actually have to explain to you why?”


Faulkner: “No, sir.”


LT: “Computer, how long would it take to go from the bridge to Faulkner’s quarters in a normal walking pace?”


Computer: “Approximately 3 minutes and 16 seconds.”


LT: “Alrighty, commander… Go change into your uniform and be back here before the countdown is done… Computer, set a 5 minute countdown.”


Computer: “Countdown program set.”


LT: “Start countdown.”


Computer: “Countdown initiated.”


Faulkner: “With all due respect, sir, you’ve got to be kidding me…”


LT: “If you had all due respect, you’d be in uniform, commander. And if you consider double shifts for the rest of the week funny, I am kidding you… Oh, don’t worry; the bridge is in good hands now… I’ll just sit in this here chair, without a uniform I might add, and will wait for your return…”


Faulkner weighs his options for a second and then reluctantly starts to run to the turbo lift… The doors close behind him and he orders the turbo lift:


Faulkner: “Deck 4… And hurry up!”


LT: “Computer, give an update on the countdown every 10 seconds and make it audible to the bridge and Faulkner’s location…”


Computer: *bleep* … “4 minutes, 30 seconds and counting.”


Ensign Joss Moon and Rodney Longworth, stationed at engineering and tactical II, whisper and laugh, having enjoyed that hilarious scene… LT tries to look serious and addresses them:


LT: “Something funny, ensigns?...”


Longworth: “No, sir…”


The ensigns lose their smiles and LT approaches them…


LT: “Oh, well, I thought it was pretty funny myself to be honest…”


All 3 laugh…


LT: “Oh, and don’t say ‘no, sir’ when you should have been honest and said ‘yes, sir’…


Moon: “Yes, sir!”


LT: “Ehm, I think you meant to say ‘No, sir’ there…”


Both ensigns look slightly puzzled…


LT: “Anyway, let’s kick back and wait for Faulkner… Take 5 everyone…”


Computer: “4 minutes and counting…”


LT: “Make that 4…”


The door of the very same turbo lift opens again and Eisinga, also out of uniform, walks onto the bridge. LT addresses him from across the room:


LT: “Please don’t tell me you’re on duty, Eldert…”


Eisinga doesn’t quite know what to make of that question… He looks a bit groggy but he manages to answer in short sentences…


Eisinga: “Sir? No, not on duty… Couldn’t sleep, went for a walk.”


LT and Eisinga walked towards each other and met near the captain’s chair…


LT: “Well, welcome to the bridge… Start and finish of the Greate Pier marathon. I couldn’t sleep either and also decided to talk a walk… I came across Faulkner out of uniform while on duty… In command of the ship and not in uniform, can you imagine?”


Eisinga: “Uh-oh, that’s not good, haha… Did you send him away? And what’s this countdown thing I hear anyway?”


LT: “Yes, I sent him away… And he better be back before the countdown ends with a uniform on…”


Eisinga: “Oh boy, I can’t wait to see him get back. I’ll wait around, hahaha…”


LT: “Interested in 3 minutes of overtime? I suddenly have the urge to check out Faulkner’s record before he gets back…”


Eisinga: “Sure, but don’t send me away for not being in uniform, LT.”


LT: “I’ll think about it… You have the bridge. I’ll be back in a few minutes…”


Eisinga: “Aye, sir.”


LT walks into his ready room and first orders the computer while walking to the replicator.


LT: “Computer, give me Lieutenant Commander Faulkner’s file on my monitor.”


Computer: *bleep*


The computer did as he requested and the captain now stands in front of the replicator and asks for a drink…


LT: “CAS, mushroom.”


Replicator: *bleep*


LT: “Come on, you stupid thing… CAS, MUSHROOM!”


Replicator: *bleep*


LT: “COMPUTER! Why won’t the replicator give me my damn soup?”


Computer: “The replicator does not recognize ‘CAS’.


LT mumbles to himself:


LT: “I programmed those soups when I came aboard…”


With a clearly annoyed voice, he continues:


LT: “Computer, does the replicator recognize ‘Captain’s Amazing Soups’?”


Computer: “Affirmative.”


LT: “Please, let the damn replicator give me that when I ask for CAS in the future.”


Computer: “Replicator database is updated.”


LT: “Thank you so very much, you archaic pocket calculator. Now, let’s try again… CAS, mushroom.”


The replicator finally complies and produces a cup of mushroom soup conform to the specifications the captain programmed… LT takes his first sip and clearly enjoys it… He sits down in his chair and turns the monitor a bit. The information in the record of Faulkner suggests he is a good officer, but has had numerous collisions with superior officers. LT reads the record partly out loud in a mumbling voice:


LT: “…not wearing a uniform on duty. Hmm, he’s done that before, has he? …questioning orders, refusing orders, striking a fellow officer… Hmm, indeed, how did he make it to lieutenant commander?...”


He stands up from his chair, picks up his cup of soup and while making his way to the door he says out loud:


LT: “He’s trouble, that’s for sure…”


He enters the bridge again where Eisinga is still in the captain’s chair…


Computer: “40 seconds and counting.”


LT: “Ah, I’m just in time for the finish it seems…”


Eisinga: “Did you find out anything interesting?”


LT: “Well, it’s not the first time he’s not in uniform on duty and I found at least a dozen more questionable mentions in his record… I all of a sudden understand what Admiral Mullins meant when he said most of the crew were not first choice…”


Eisinga: “Trouble, that’s what it means, hahaha…”


Computer: “20 seconds and counting.”


LT: “I agree… I’m surprised he’s still in Starfleet to begin with… Let’s hope he won’t give us any more trouble… I don’t like playing the angry captain…”


The turbo lift doors open to reveal Faulkner in uniform… LT quickly whispers to Eisinga:


LT: “Walk with me…”


Eisinga nods once. Faulkner walks towards the captain’s chair and before he can say anything, the captain’s voice gives two orders.


LT: “Computer, cancel countdown.”


Computer: *bleep*


LT: “You have the bridge, Faulkner.”


LT briskly walks into the turbo lift with Eisinga following suit. Faulkner is left behind in a bit of a confused state.


Faulkner: “Sir?”


The doors close.


LT: “Deck 2.”


Eisinga: “Well, that was weird…”


LT: “I agree… Next time I go for an I-can’t-sleep-walk, I’ll avoid the bridge and walk around cargo bay 3 a few times…”


Eisinga: “Which reminds me… Did you speak with Margon?”


They step out of the lift and halt just outside the doors…


LT: “As a matter of fact I did. He came to see me earlier today. He actually invited me to a ‘feast’ after you told him about my eating habits, hahaha…”


Eisinga: “Are you going?”


LT: “He promised me there would be meat, what do you think, Eldert?”


Eisinga: “Haha, stupid question, sorry… I gather it’s a pretty big feast for quite some people?”


LT: “Well, just 4 people… All 3 Klingons onboard and myself.”


Eisinga: “Just 4 people?! How much do those Klingons eat?!”


LT: “What do you mean?”


Eisinga: “Well, Margon asked me for some cargo bay space earlier today. He requested 7 by 14 feet of floor space in cargo bay 3. He said he wanted to store some food for the feast. As there was enough room there and he just needed it for less than a day, I gave him the permission…”


LT finishes his soup…


LT: “Yes, the ‘Klingon collective’ got some supplies from Opeth II today… But that does sound like an awful lot of room for food for just 4 people… But maybe they stocked up on food for future feasts or whatever… Oh well, maybe I’ll check it out in the morning, I’d better get back to bed and try to get some sleep… But I need another cup of soup, before I turn in…”


Eisinga: “I’ll try the old warm milk remedy… See you in the morning…”


LT: “Goodnight…”



SCENE 9: Circus


The next morning, around 0815 hours, Eisinga is in the captain’s chair when LT comes in…


LT: “Sorry I’m late, sir.”


Eisinga: “Don’t let it happen again, young man.”


Both men smile, though LT has a hard time keeping the corners of his mouth up…


LT: “Get out of my chair…”


Eisinga: “Yes, sir!”


Eisinga hops over to his own chair and LT parks himself on the throne.


Eisinga: “Looks like you didn’t get too much sleep since you went back to your quarters last night…”


The men sarcastically reply to each other…


LT: “You can tell?”


Eisinga: “Nooooo….”


LT: “Did you get some more shut-eye?”


Eisinga: “Yeah, the warm milk remedy seems to have done its work.”


LT: “Good, good. Anyway, any news?”


Eisinga: “Not really… I relieved Faulkner at 0800… He wasn’t very talkative for some reason…”


LT: “Can’t imagine why… Well, I’m not quite awake yet, I’m going for a little walk around the ship, I bet that does me some good… I think I’ll check out the cargo bay first to see what on Earth the Klingons dumped there, haha…”


Eisinga: “Alright… Get out of my chair then…”


LT: “I’m going, I’m going…”


LT gets up and leaves the throne to Eisinga again… Moments later he arrives in the cargo bay… He looks around for any new cargo that wasn’t there before but doesn’t find any immediately… Then he noticed a very typical smell… LT followed his nose until something in the corner caught his eye… As he didn’t believe his eyes at first he hastily ran closer…


LT: “What the…”


After a few seconds of silence and amazement he summons the Klingon…


LT: “LT to Lieutenant Margon.”


Margon: “Margon here…”


LT: “Cargo bay 3… On the double!”


Margon: “Yes, sir!”


LT: “LT to Shelley.”


Shelley: “This is Shelley, go ahead, captain.”


LT: “Can you please report to cargo bay 3?”


Shelley: “Anyone hurt, captain?”


LT: “Not yet. So, do bring a medical tricorder…”


Shelley: “Understood, on my way. Shelley out.”


Shelley arrived first as sickbay is just 2 decks higher… She walks towards the captain and halfway her opening sentence she sees what the captain saw…


Shelley: “What can I do for you…  oh my god…”


LT: “No, ’captain’ will do just fine, doctor…”


Shelley: “Where did this come from?!”


LT: “I bet we’ll get the answer from him.”


He looks at Margon who just entered the cargo bay.


Margon: “Reporting as ordered, sir.”


LT: “Lieutenant… What the hell is this?!”


Margon: “Well, it’s… ehm… it’s…”


LT: “It’s A HORSE! What the hell is a horse doing in my cargo bay?!”


Margon: “It’s for the feast, sir… Humans do eat horse meat, don’t they?”


LT: “Well, yes, we do…”


Margon: “Then why do you not approve?”


LT: “This is not a slaughterhouse, Margon! Nor a farm yard… This is a Starfleet vessel… We can’t just turn the cargo bay into an abattoir…”


Shelley already knew what the captain wanted her to do and used the tricorder to scan the animal to see if it was ok and was not carrying any hazardous diseases of any kind…


Margon: “I’m sorry, sir… If I had known you would not approve of this…”


LT sighs deeply…


LT: “Well, the most important issue now is what to do with this Clydesdale… That’s what it is, right, doctor?…”


Shelley: “Yes, I believe so…”


LT: “We can’t possibly turn around and go back to Opeth II… We can’t afford to lose that much time. What’s the condition of the horse, doctor?”


Shelley: “Well, the medical tricorder doesn’t have a Clydesdale setting, but for as far as I can tell she’s fine… One of my nurses is nuts about horses, shall I ask her to take care of the animal, captain?”


LT: “Yes, would be great, doctor… And Margon, you’re going to fence off an area here big enough for the horse to walk around in. Seems fitting to let you handle that…”


Margon: “Yes, sir. And I’m sorry for…”


LT interrupts…


LT: “It’s ok, Margon. I won’t make a big fuss out of this thing… Also because I don’t want to be scratched from the guest list… As long as you understand that slaughtering an animal onboard is just not an option. Though I do like fresh meat… But it was a little stupid, Margon… There’s always a threat of disease, we now have an extra passenger that requires a lot of care, not to mention feeding… And let’s not even start to talk about the space it will take up in the cargo bay...”


Margon: “Understood, sir. And don’t worry; you’re still on the guest list, of course.”


LT: “Good, good. Wouldn’t want to miss it… I hope I didn’t mess up the plans too much?”


Margon: “There’s still plenty meat to be served, sir.”


LT: “You know what? I’ll introduce you to some Earth animal meat. See if you have a taste for it… As a sort of compensation, I guess… It will be replicated, of course.”


Margon: “That would be fine, sir… I’ll get to work on the fence immediately, sir. I’ll go and replicate some parts…”


LT: “Alright, lieutenant, go for it.”


LT walks over to doctor Shelley, who is still with the horse.


Shelley: “So, this was to be part of your meal tonight, hahaha…”


LT: “Yes, can you imagine? I mean, it’s like a circus here lately…There’s a giant horse in the cargo bay, the computer doesn’t like me much and oh, yesterday there was a lieutenant out of uniform in command on the bridge… Honestly, I expect a couple of penguins to waddle by any moment now! Would make perfect sense to me, really…”


K’Ehlen: “Do we look like penguins to you?”


LT and Shelley turn around to find K’Ehlen en Kerr approaching them… And out of nowhere, Serrag walks by and answers the question for the captain…


Serrag: “No, penguins are aesthetically more pleasing…”


And Serrag keeps on walking as if nothing happened. The captain, doctor and Klingons keep silent for a second, seeing Serrag walk on and trying to work out where Serrag came from all of a sudden… LT then says:


LT: “Ehm, well… Lieutenant, ensign… What can I do for you?”


K’Ehlen: “We came to check on the meat… We met Margon just outside the cargo bay and he informed us of your disapproval of slaughtering this beast.”


Kerr then sarcastically added:


Kerr: “…and he kindly ‘requested’ us to help with building the fence…”


LT: “Ha! Brilliant idea!”


LT shows a broad smile but Kerr grunts:


Kerr: “Yes, very…”


K’Ehlen: “Don’t forget the feast tonight, sir.”


LT: “I won’t, but the horse still better be in the cargo bay by then… And only if you 2 also think I’m still welcome to join…”


Kerr: “Of course, I don’t see why not…”


K’Ehlen: “Just don’t forget the compensation you promised, HAHAHA!”


LT: “I won’t, hahaha…”


K’Ehlen: “By the way, captain…… What are penguins anyway?”



SCENE 10: Party time


In Kerr’s quarters, the three Klingons are already at the table. The door chime sounds and Kerr responds to it.


Kerr: “Enter!”


The door opens and in walks the captain…


LT: “Good evening, all.”


Kerr: “Good evening, captain. Please, sit down…”


LT: “No one calls me captain or sir tonight… We’re not on duty.”


LT sits down and looks at the abundant food on the table…


LT: “Well, this certainly looks like a good meal to me…”


Margon: “Not really… The table isn’t big enough to hold everything at once, HAHAHAHA!”


K’Ehlen: “And don’t forget, we also need to try some of your Earth animals too… Prepare your human stomach for a feast, hahaha! Or does the mere sight of Klingon food make you sick to your stomach?”


LT: “By no means, K’Ehlen… I’m familiar enough with Klingon food and my stomach has dealt with it many times before… That’s bregit lung over there, grapok sauce, gagh, … torgud gagh I think, pipius claw, rokeg blood pie and my favorite: katrah meat… And a few other things I’m not quite familiar with yet…”


K’Ehlen: “Impressive… I wasn’t aware there were any humans with an interest in Klingon food, beyond raktajino…”


LT: “It so happens I can’t stand raktajino, hahaha…”


Kerr: “Once the table has some room I’m curious for your Earth food, LT.”


LT: “I’ve selected a few things that you might enjoy”


Margon: “Well, first, let’s get something to drink…”


Margon walks up to the replicator.


Margon: “Large jug of bloodwine…”


The replicator complies, but Margon isn’t happy…


Margon: “No, no, no! I said LARGE! Give me a much LARGER jug!”


Then the replicator finally produces a jug large enough for the Klingon. It barely fits in the replicator… But that’s not enough… He takes the jug out and orders some more:


Margon: “Give me another one…”


Another jug appears in the replicator and Margon picks it up. He walks to the table with the heavy jugs and puts them on the table… He then turns to LT and asks:


Margon: “Will you join us in drinking bloodwine or do you prefer milk?”


The other 2 Klingons laugh really loud while Margon just shows an acted neutral face…


LT: “I’ll go for my usual, lemon drink…”


Margon: “You can’t stand bloodwine? HAHAHA!”


LT: “Oh, I can stand it, but it’s just not my thing…”


Margon: “That’s ok, human, hahahaha…”


He returns to the replicator and order LT’s drink…


Margon: “Lemon drink, same size jug as the bloodwine.”


He brings the lemon drink to the table and puts it right in front of the captain…


LT: “Thank you…”


LT pours some lemon drink into his goblet a drinks a little from it…


Margon: “HAHAHA, he drinks water with cute little bubbles! HAHAHAH!”


The other 2 Klingons join Margon in loud laughter, as well as LT himself…


LT: “Tastes good though…”


He takes another sip from his goblet…


Margon: “Mind if I try this kid’s drink of yours? I’m curious, hahaha…”


LT: “By all means…”


LT stands up and pours Margon his lemon drink.


LT: “Enjoy…”


Margon, in good Klingon tradition, doesn’t gently sip his drink, but rather gulps it down like he was stranded in the desert for a week... After a second or two he spastically spews everything out over the floor next to him.


Margon: “GRAAAAH!!! What is that stuff?! IT BURNED MY TONGUE!!”


The other 3 guests burst out in yet another fit of laughter.


LT: “HAHAHAHA! How do you like the water with the cute bubbles, Klingon?”


Margon: “GAAH! It’s like that stuff is acidic…”


LT: “Well, the sensation on your tongue is caused by the bubbles… It’s a carbonated drink… And you’re actually right about the acidic part… It’s nearly as acidic as stomach acid.”


Kerr: “You’re trying to make a habit out of spewing drinks all over the place, aren’t you, Margon?”


Margon: “Shut up, Kerr… I’d like to see you try…”


K’Ehlen: “Maybe this human isn’t so weak after all, Margon, HAHAHA… I can’t wait to see how he eats…”


The smile returns to Margon’s face…


Margon: “Yes, let’s eat, LT, hehehe!”


They feast upon all the Klingon foods on the table and exchange many a laugh… Kerr proudly tells about Klingon heroes and battles of the past. LT knew most of the stories, but didn’t mind hearing the stories again from a passionate Klingon… The whole history of courageous Klingons was told, it seems… Starting with Kahless of course, the battle of Koloth, Kor and Kang and their legions against the T'nag's army, right up to Martok’s role in the Dominion war, which ended just 10 years ago…


Margon: “Now, tell us a tale of one of your heroes, LT… If there were brave men in human history, that is, HAHAHA!”


LT: “Are you brave enough to try some Earth food, Klingon? Or did you have your fill after the cute bubble incident?”


LT didn’t smile or laugh in an attempt to taunt the Klingon… Kerr and K’Ehlen on the other hand laughed out loud once again... Margon however looked undisturbed by LT’s words…


Margon: “I bet its burnt meat… You humans have weird customs…”


LT: “Just try it before you judge… Let’s begin with something simple…”


LT orders the replicator to produce turkey legs. Due to the size, he needs to replicate them one by one and gives one to each Klingon.


LT: “Here you go, try this...”


They all tear off the flesh with their razor sharp teeth…


Margon: “Aside from it being a little bland, it’s not bad. Could use some grapok sauce…”


Margon drenches the turkey leg in grapok sauce and buries his face in the meat again…


Margon: “Yeees, much better! Is this what you ate on your first night onboard, captain?”


LT: “No, it’s not. That was wild boar…”


Margon: “Ah yes, that was what Commander Eisinga said…”


LT: “If turkey leg is too bland for you, wild boar will be more to your taste…”


He walks back to the replicator and orders a big plate full of wild boar for each of the Klingons and himself… While he serves the meat to the other guests he says:


LT: “Now, you’ve got enough Earth meat to try for me to tell a story of my personal biggest hero…”


Kerr: “And who would that be? Your nanny? HAHAHAHA!”


The Klingons, obviously, delighted in this insult, burst into laughter once again…


LT: “Isn’t it about time K’Ehlen put you to bed, yIH ngaghwI'…?”


All of a sudden an eerie silence fell in the room with LT staring intently at Margon… Then, after 2 or 3 seconds, a familiar sound blasted through the room… Kerr and K’Ehlen laugh out loud once more, quickly followed by the insulted Klingon himself…


Margon: “Are you sure you are not part Klingon, LT?”


LT’s unmeant serious face is already replaced by an amused look when he says:


LT: “I’ll have the doctor check in the morning, hahaha…”


K’Ehlen: “Let’s hear your story, LT…”


Then LT starts to tell the story, while the Klingons kept on eating like they had been starved for a month…


LT: “Alright… It’s a story about someone whose name even you know… He was known as Greate Pier… As if it wasn’t enough honor for me to be promoted to captain and given my own command, Starfleet allowed me to make a suggestion for the ship’s name… Greate Pier, or Tall Pier, as he was a man of big stature, reputedly 7 feet tall bearing a sword of the same length…He lived around 900 years ago in my country…”


Kerr: “I understand you are from the Netherlands , am I right?”


LT: “Yes, that’s right… But that’s actually not the country I’m referring to… I come from the Dutch province of Friesland , or Fryslân as we call it ourselves. Before it became a province of the Netherlands it was an independent kingdom for many centuries and was a lot bigger than the whole of the Netherlands is today… Fryslân was at one time occupied by the Saxons and the Dutch when Greate Pier decided to fight back… Especially since Saxon troops burned down his farm… He led a pirate fleet on the Southern Sea, what nowadays is Lake Ijssel . He attacked every Dutch ship and coastal city in sight, beheading the people and plundering their goods. In the biggest battle of his career, in 1515, he captured 28 Dutch ships. He then bestowed the title ‘King of the Frisians’ on himself. He was the true Frisian freedom fighter, said to have superhuman strength…”


Kerr: “So, as strong as a Klingon, HAHAHAH!”


LT: “It is said that he was able to cut off the heads of 5 men in one swing of his mighty sword… But there are many more stories about Pier that speak of immense strength and patriotism…”


K’Ehlen: “I can see how this Greate Pier is a hero to you and your people… He sounds like an honorable warrior.”


Margon: “Indeed. And this wild boar is excellent… for burnt meat…”


LT: “Good, good!”


Kerr: “By the way, will you join us next time we have a feast?”


K’Ehlen: “We aim to have a feast every month…”


LT: “I’d be honored”


Margon: “By the way… Could you explain a certain human proverb to me? It seems humans often claim something that they don’t actually do…”


LT: “Oh, and what proverb would that be?”


When Margon answers, all the Klingons laugh out loud again while LT raises an eyebrow with a rye smile on his face…


Margon: “I could eat a horse!



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